The boredom, the freedom, and the time spent alone

Someday, if all goes according to plan, I will actually miss these days...my twenties....my single, fearless, shot-out-of-a-cannon, take-no-prisoners, throw-caution-to-the-wind, lonesome, single twenties. The boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone with yourself allows for a kind of deep reflection that is not often available. Even so, the time spent in utter silence doesn't seem to quiet the brain...not as much as I'd like anyway. My brain refuses to shut up.

I wouldn't say that I'm unhappy, just bored. Bored with life. I need more excitement, more to look forward to, more to miss when it's gone. But then, the great tragedy of filling your life up with "events" or "things to do" always results in waking up one day 40 years from now asking yourself where the time went. I should embrace the boredom for boredom's sake. Maybe even buy a TV and entertain myself like most people my age. But entertainment is over-rated too. Boredom should be cherished.

I wouldn't say that I'm anxious, just waiting. Waiting for the freedom to pass. I feel the urge to relinquish my freedom with that thing called 'marriage' and 'kids' and, odd as it sounds, some days I desperately wish I had someone to answer to. Someone who would not only listen to my stories about my day and give me a new perspective, but someone who would also ask where I've been if I come home late from work or find myself mesmerized at the shopping mall for what seems like a few hours too many. Someone who would wonder about me... all the time.

I wouldn't say that I'm alone, just solitary. But I'm learning to be ok with that. Keeping to myself has never been easy. I've been surrounded by friends, family, animals and random people all through my life. The silence is deafening. When I come home, it is how I left it. Every time. Nothing out of place. Nothing unexpected. Nothing moved. This, to me, is still taking some time to get used to after 8 years of living "on my own." When I lived at home as a teen, nothing was ever in my control and nobody ever left me alone. This is very different. A Chinese Proverb states "solitude is only enjoyed when one is at peace with oneself" and I'm positive this is the undisputed truth.

Someday, if all goes according to plan, these days that I take for granted now will surely be moments to reflect on with great joy, pride, and a sense of nostalgia for what was. I might even miss this boredom, freedom, and time spent alone.